Last night I printed and edited the first draft of the new book. I haven’t ever shared my life like this and it is a really weird feeling. I went looking for some pictures last night of Arizona in the early to mid 80s when we were there. I almost felt transported when I seen a few of the pictures of Van Buren in Phoenix. We were staying at the Salvation Army there and after what we had just went through in Flagstaff it was a welcome change of weather and condition. The rules at the Salvation Army housing place at the time was that you had to get up early early and eat and then find your way out into the world to find work and housing. It was the first place I remember having a hot meal and where I developed my “happy” dance when I eat. I have a picture of that place cemented in the walls of my mind. The juice machines looked almost whimsical as I stood there watching the bright colored liquid move and slosh around inside. I don’t think I had ever seen anything like it. I remember the woman that worked there even, she was in a wheelchair and she would somehow make her way up concrete stairs at 430 in the morning and blow a whistle to get everyone up. As a little 4 year old girl I couldn’t figure out how she did it. But anywho, every morning we would leave that place and walk down the street to look for work. My mother would hide me behind things sometime so that no one would see me while she applied for work. One of these occasions it was behind a totem pole and it terrified me. For years I would tell people of this one place my mom went and I wouldn’t move for fear of all the things that would eat me…well ladies and gents. I found that hotel and let me tell you the gasp I gasped when I saw it. let me show ya! If you look closely at the bottom of the big heads you will see a totem pole near the entrance….that was my nightmare. I was placed right behind him.
I can literally almost feel the heat on my skin and feel my mother tugging at my arms to make me walk. She didn’t get the job thank goodness!
There was a lot of fun things I seen just in passing when I was that age on our trek to Phoenix like the Bedrock town which is surprisingly still there in Williams, AZ. I didn’t get to go in it and play, as a matter of fact we went when they were closed so all I could do was look but that was good enough for me. I also remember one of the highlights of my little homeless childhood was being on the Wallace and Ladmo show. I even got a Ladmo bag and was so happy to have all those treats! Being homeless many of the goodies that were in that bag were things I had never in my life tried. I was so excited to get a soda. I remember trading my coupons away to another little boy telling him “we don’t have money” It is amazing some of the things that will come back to you when you see a picture or maybe hear a song.
Another thing that I decided to do after reading my draft of the book was to reach out and get the old police records (that exist if any) of the abuse that my mother and I endured at the hands of my father. I don’t know if I am prepared for what I may find or what I may not find rather. I don’t know how well my memory serves me but so far I have been spot on (according to google). Is it not amazing what the mind remembers in times of trauma and also the same could be said about what the mind forgets. I called Fresno this morning to see what I can do to get some of these records. I will just pray that the lord gives me strength to just handle what I have asked for.
~Rose
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