It has been a few days since I have made the time to sit and write. I have had a house guest, a good friend that I spend time with at least monthly. It is nice to be able to talk to someone in a different way than I do the boyfriend. It has been really hard on me adjusting to losing Nikki. I still haven’t mailed the letter yet, mostly because I want to send Jack a little something as it may be the last time she will allow him to have it. For a very long time she was my person and adjusting to such a shift has been jarring. I continue to pray for her and hope that she finds true happiness and maybe a little therapy.
Anywho, yesterday we (my friend and I) went and had a picnic lunch with my mom. It was her idea and a good one, as it is something I used to do much more frequent than I do now. It was an amazingly beautiful day for not only the drive but the picnic as well. Both her and I felt momma all day. From the blanket we chose to purchase to the music that played we felt her all around. We laughed and cried and shared all the news with momma as if she didn’t already know.
Driving around some of the places that I used to frequent when I was an unruly child brought back lots of memories. That town just isn’t what I remembered it to be. The hospital where I gave birth to my oldest boy has since closed down. The windows are all boarded up and it is just so sad that a community has to go without.
We are almost done with the sell of the boyfriends property a few towns over and I couldn’t be more grateful! We have been stressed to the hilt over this sell and what it means for us. Our lives have kind of been on hold until this happens for a bunch of reasons. But being so close is giving us a renewed excitement. I know a proposal is right around the corner as he has already stated the jewelry store is the first stop when the check clears lol. It is adorable to see a man like him be so excited to marry. Especially to marry ME 🙂 After that, we have the wedding (and the honeymoon ;)), then SERIOUS house hunting! We are willing to stay in this apartment for another six or so months but man are we ready! I just can’t wait for the pups to have a yard to be dogs in, that will make my heart happy.
I think along with the sell and the progress we have made my mood has also become lighter. I am excited at what is around the corner in this next chapter of my life. I feel like it is going to be one of the most beautiful. I pray to God that he makes a way for my boys to be a part of it, and if not he at the very least keeps me in their hearts and minds. But, if he does answer that prayer, I am preparing. My heart and my mind and my way of life so that I can be the best version of myself for my boys that I can be.
I know this is a lot of thought salad but lol I got something written today so I am good with and I hope some of that made sense.
~Rose
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