I have made a million reasons why I shouldn’t do this, and yet every morning I wake up, writing about my life is the only thing I can think of. So here I am, no more excuses!
I have lived a life that I feel others may benefit from learning about. I think that is the simplest way I can say what I want to say. My biggest motivation for writing is so that my two boys will hopefully have something of me if ever they choose to explore me.
I have a few goals with this writing thing of mine. I don’t even know what to call this other than a constant nagging feeling that I have. I am NOT a writer. I can barely call myself a decent texter. So this is going to be a process for us all lol if you stick around that is.
Goal number one is to have a record for my children. Long story short; despite my best efforts my boys have been kept from me and pretty much brain washed. I have come to a point to where I have no more options to me besides trying to show them that I am here for them when they are ready. Unfortunately I am still battling what has kept me from them for years, plus one. Regardless, my love for my children remains and as I get older I realize I may never speak to them or see them in person again. If that happens, there is so much I want to say to them and so much I would like the opportunity to explain. And here I am just doing something so that maybe my heart will quiet down the calls for them and make peace with what is and what has to be.
Secondly, I PRAY that me sharing my life so detailed and intimately will help just one person that may find themselves in the same situation. Please use me as your “what if” if my story is close to yours. Or if we have lived the same story, know that you are not alone! I have never processed or shared my story in full to one person my whole life so I really hope that this journey is going to be a healing one.
Finally, I need something in my life that is a stable vent. I recently had to let go of my best friend. As much as it hurts me I can’t allow that type of person back into my life. I did attempt to go to therapy (and am still trying) but that seems to be a struggle to find a therapists that sticks around. Can you imagine seeking therapy for the trauma you have in your life regarding abandonment only to abandoned? I have to laugh about it and try to be productive in my own healing.
So, you are invited to go on this weird and completely disorganized journey of healing and seeking forgiveness not only from others but from myself.
For now, just call me Rose
**Trigger warning/Disclosure**
Please be cautioned that some of my posts may contain descriptions of different types of abuse. I will do my best to label each one accordingly. If you or someone you know needs help here are some numbers that may help
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233
National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673
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